Finance Before Romance

In articles and conversations about the common causes of divorce the top ones often listed are communication, money and adultery. In our pre-marital classes these areas were discussed, however money was not discussed as in depth as I would have liked when you consider the huge impact it has on couples. Often our churches are very good in speaking on tithing, but not much on stewardship. Stewardship is also a command for Christians. Giving, saving and living a debt free life so you may continue to give to others and build the Kingdom of God are things that need to be taught, especially as two people prepare for marriage.

In my brief 2 months and 7 weeks as a married woman, if I were to counsel an engaged couple I would advise them to have a thorough discussion of finances. Talking however is not enough. Whether you use spreadsheets, charts, or simple pencil and paper each person needs to lay out exactly what are their monthly expenses, income, debts, tax returns, FICO Scores and credit reports. If you cannot find a financial workshop, then find a financial advisor or tax preparer with financial knowledge that you can meet with and discuss all financial issues.

Some Questions that I would have liked to have presented to us include, but are not limited to:

1. What would be your plans if one of you becomes unemployed or underemployed?
2. At what age would you like to retire and what are your plans to reach that goal?
3. If neither of you is a home owner, when would you like to buy and what are your plans to prepare to buy property?
4. If one or both of you own. What are your plans to buy another home together?
5. If you plan to have children do you desire to stay home with your child? Does he? Private or public schools?
6. Do you see yourself as a spender or a saver?
7. What financial examples did you see in your parents that you'd want to practice or not practice within your marriage?
8. Who will be responsible for handling the monthly bills in your marriage?
9. Do you plan on having a set monthly spending limit for yourselves? If so what will be that amount?
10. What are your attitudes on savings and tithing?

While this wouldn't provide a 100% safety net to prevent any marital problems related to finances it may at least get the ball rolling to understanding where each of you stand on certain issues.

My husband and I chose not to combine our finances prior to marriage. I know some couples may choose to do so, but we decided we'd wait until the ink was dry on our marriage license. ;) One site that may be helpful even before combining your finances is Mint (www.mint.com). It's a FREE financial site from the makers of Quicken and helps you set up balances, set up a debt payment plan, and see how and where money is going from your accounts.

Often couples are advised to maintain their "dating life" with one another so that the romance doesn't disappear. At the same time it would be my advice, and my goal within my marriage, to also set up "financial dates". These dates are just as important as the romantic ones to ensure stability and open communication of our financial health. Things can sneak in a marriage and the devil knows how to take a small problem and make it a huge problem, creating strife, division and mistrust amongst a couple. Lastly, find other couples that you respect and admire and inquire of them how they handle their finances and any suggestions they may have.

I'm very new at this so I am still searching and questioning where to find the best answers. Some sites I currently reviewing to this end include: http://www.discoverfamily.org/money_mess.htm
http://www.good-steward.org/Seminars.html
http://store.crown.org/product_p/mm361.htm
http://www.mint.com/blog/trends/married-separate-accounts-04292011/
I'll let you know how those "financial dates" go. With God's guidance it may increase the romantic ones. ;)