There is always talk about role models for young females and males in our society, especially African American youth. Mistakenly this position is placed on athletes and celebrity artists. My role models have not been on television or song in concerts. They don't have personal drivers and assistants. My greatest role models have been in my own family. As a new mother I realize the impact and lessons I learned from my family in developing into this new role. My whole life has been in preparation for my life right now and I am so very grateful to God to have been born into my Lee family.
These are the women who shaped me.
My Grandmother (paternal), Colinza, was with me for only 7 years of my life before her untimely passing, but in those 7 years she instilled in me as much of her love as she could give a little girl. My fondest memories are of my weekends at her home, sleeping next to her in bed and walking with her to my uncle's store to get some candy and a little toy. As her only grandchild I could do no wrong. :-)
My Grandmother (maternal), Lucy, was a great example of beauty, love and faith. She was a quiet and reserved woman who had so much love in her heart even my friends considered her their own grandmother. She showed me how a Grandmother's love can enhance the life of her grandchild. She was a pure example of God's love here on earth and a wonderful example of a wife, mother, grandmother, sister, and friend. One of her best traits was her financial sense and frugality. This is a trait I'm still trying to incorporate in my own life.
My Aunts. My Aunt "K" showed me examples of grace and love for self and family. My Aunt "F" was the first woman I personally knew who chose to breast fed her children. This made a tremendous impression on me as an 11 year old girl. Even at that early age, from her example, I knew I too would choose to do the same for my child. The love my Aunts have is not only expressed for their children (and grandchildren), but for their nieces and nephews as well, of whom I'm blessed to be included.
My Mother. There are not enough words to express what she has given to me. For most of my life she raised me as a single woman. While there were some unmet wants in my life as a child (e.g. a horse, when I was growing up there were horses "in the hood" so I didn't understand why we couldn't have one - LOL), there were never unmet needs. I had more in my life than many children with two parents. Regardless of things I had her and her wonderful example of hard work and motherly love. It was because of her example of the importance of education (returning to complete her Bachelors Degree after her divorce from my biological dad) that as a child my goal was not only to attend college, but graduate school as well. She never demanded this of me, but her example and sacrifice made it an important goal in my life. To me she was, and is, a fabulous mother and in these past 3 months she has already shown herself to be a terrific grandmother, following the example of her mother and my grandmother.
I am often asked why I chose the name Lee for my son. It is because of the men and women in my Lee family who have shaped me into the woman I am today that I wanted my son to carry that name. We are far from perfect, but even with the faults there is great strength, tremendous love and a strong sense of family that was instilled through the example of my Grandparents Lucy and Johnnie Lee, down to their children and in me and now in my son.
Remembering to Count it All Joy!
Wednesday, February 20, 2013
Friday, January 25, 2013
New Roles
January 25, 2013
When I last posted in this blog I had been married for 5 months (November 2011). Now I'm not only a new bride, I believe I'll call myself a new bride until our 5th or maybe 10th anniversary, I'm also a new mother. As such I decided to change the name of this blog to reflect the changes in my life.
I'm still trying to learn my role as a wife and now I have added to that with the wonderful gift of motherhood. A blessing with it's own challenges and surprises and ever growing love for this new human being. Nothing like marriage and motherhood to make you truly understand the importance of prayer and studying the Word of God. :-)
My future posts will examine things I have learned and the feelings I am working through as I continue on this path of enlightment in the roles of newlywed and mother.
Stay Tuned. . .
When I last posted in this blog I had been married for 5 months (November 2011). Now I'm not only a new bride, I believe I'll call myself a new bride until our 5th or maybe 10th anniversary, I'm also a new mother. As such I decided to change the name of this blog to reflect the changes in my life.
I'm still trying to learn my role as a wife and now I have added to that with the wonderful gift of motherhood. A blessing with it's own challenges and surprises and ever growing love for this new human being. Nothing like marriage and motherhood to make you truly understand the importance of prayer and studying the Word of God. :-)
My future posts will examine things I have learned and the feelings I am working through as I continue on this path of enlightment in the roles of newlywed and mother.
Stay Tuned. . .
Saturday, October 15, 2011
Let Your Husband Fail
This is not my personal post, but an email I received that I wanted to share.
LET YOUR HUSBAND FAIL
A man's greatest need is to be honored, especially by his wife. Almost any woman is willing to honor a man who succeeds and is doing well. What separates a mature wife from the rest is how she responds when her husband fails. This is the test of true honor. During a marriage, every husband is bound to do something wrong. He will fail in some capacity. If a wife cannot still honor him at those times, she may have end up with a wounded and dishonored husband. I'll never forget the Sunday I asked an older couple in our church to share their testimony about marriage. After 30 years of marriage, they were madly in love. I just knew everyone would benefit from their story. The woman began by saying something that stunned me. With her loving, sacrificial, distinguished husband right next to her, she detailed how, at the beginning of their marriage, he was such a lousy husband! He didn't know how to manage money. He never spent any time at home. They were broke, and he worked all the time.
He was insensitive to her needs. He never prayed or led the family spiritually. She said even more than that, letting lose all those negative comments with her husband right there by her side. And he was smiling the whole time! I couldn't believe it. As she concluded her remarks, this godly woman said something every woman needs to hear: "When my husband and I began to have all our trouble early in our marriage, I knew I had a choice to make. I could nag him and try to change him, or I could even leave him. But in my heart, I knew none of those things were right." She continued: "So I finally decided to let him fail and let God correct him as I honored and loved him. After a period of time of praying for him and letting him fail, I saw God begin to change my husband right before my eyes. Today, I have a righteous husband who loves me and meets my needs." The man she was standing with was not the man she married. He was much, much better. He didn't get that way because she nagged him or demanded that he change. He got that way because his wife treated him with respect. What a powerful testimony! Seldom will we make progress in a relationship by dishonoring a person or trying to force them to change. The only way to do it is through prayer and treating them better than they deserve. Ladies, don't get me wrong: You should absolutely feel free to express your disagreement to your husband at any time and about anything. The last thing you should become is a doormat or an emotionless robot. But when you tell him how you feel, do it with kindness and respect. Treat him the way you want to be treated Honor him and pray for him. Don't nag. Don't become manipulative. Don't become irritable. You may win a few battles with those tactics, but you'll always lose the war. Let your husband fail. If you honor him even when he knows he doesn't deserve it, God will use it in a powerful way. He will deepen your husband's love for you as He changes your husband's heart.
LET YOUR HUSBAND FAIL
A man's greatest need is to be honored, especially by his wife. Almost any woman is willing to honor a man who succeeds and is doing well. What separates a mature wife from the rest is how she responds when her husband fails. This is the test of true honor. During a marriage, every husband is bound to do something wrong. He will fail in some capacity. If a wife cannot still honor him at those times, she may have end up with a wounded and dishonored husband. I'll never forget the Sunday I asked an older couple in our church to share their testimony about marriage. After 30 years of marriage, they were madly in love. I just knew everyone would benefit from their story. The woman began by saying something that stunned me. With her loving, sacrificial, distinguished husband right next to her, she detailed how, at the beginning of their marriage, he was such a lousy husband! He didn't know how to manage money. He never spent any time at home. They were broke, and he worked all the time.
He was insensitive to her needs. He never prayed or led the family spiritually. She said even more than that, letting lose all those negative comments with her husband right there by her side. And he was smiling the whole time! I couldn't believe it. As she concluded her remarks, this godly woman said something every woman needs to hear: "When my husband and I began to have all our trouble early in our marriage, I knew I had a choice to make. I could nag him and try to change him, or I could even leave him. But in my heart, I knew none of those things were right." She continued: "So I finally decided to let him fail and let God correct him as I honored and loved him. After a period of time of praying for him and letting him fail, I saw God begin to change my husband right before my eyes. Today, I have a righteous husband who loves me and meets my needs." The man she was standing with was not the man she married. He was much, much better. He didn't get that way because she nagged him or demanded that he change. He got that way because his wife treated him with respect. What a powerful testimony! Seldom will we make progress in a relationship by dishonoring a person or trying to force them to change. The only way to do it is through prayer and treating them better than they deserve. Ladies, don't get me wrong: You should absolutely feel free to express your disagreement to your husband at any time and about anything. The last thing you should become is a doormat or an emotionless robot. But when you tell him how you feel, do it with kindness and respect. Treat him the way you want to be treated Honor him and pray for him. Don't nag. Don't become manipulative. Don't become irritable. You may win a few battles with those tactics, but you'll always lose the war. Let your husband fail. If you honor him even when he knows he doesn't deserve it, God will use it in a powerful way. He will deepen your husband's love for you as He changes your husband's heart.
Saturday, September 3, 2011
Finance Before Romance
In articles and conversations about the common causes of divorce the top ones often listed are communication, money and adultery. In our pre-marital classes these areas were discussed, however money was not discussed as in depth as I would have liked when you consider the huge impact it has on couples. Often our churches are very good in speaking on tithing, but not much on stewardship. Stewardship is also a command for Christians. Giving, saving and living a debt free life so you may continue to give to others and build the Kingdom of God are things that need to be taught, especially as two people prepare for marriage.
In my brief 2 months and 7 weeks as a married woman, if I were to counsel an engaged couple I would advise them to have a thorough discussion of finances. Talking however is not enough. Whether you use spreadsheets, charts, or simple pencil and paper each person needs to lay out exactly what are their monthly expenses, income, debts, tax returns, FICO Scores and credit reports. If you cannot find a financial workshop, then find a financial advisor or tax preparer with financial knowledge that you can meet with and discuss all financial issues.
Some Questions that I would have liked to have presented to us include, but are not limited to:
My husband and I chose not to combine our finances prior to marriage. I know some couples may choose to do so, but we decided we'd wait until the ink was dry on our marriage license. ;) One site that may be helpful even before combining your finances is Mint (www.mint.com). It's a FREE financial site from the makers of Quicken and helps you set up balances, set up a debt payment plan, and see how and where money is going from your accounts.
Often couples are advised to maintain their "dating life" with one another so that the romance doesn't disappear. At the same time it would be my advice, and my goal within my marriage, to also set up "financial dates". These dates are just as important as the romantic ones to ensure stability and open communication of our financial health. Things can sneak in a marriage and the devil knows how to take a small problem and make it a huge problem, creating strife, division and mistrust amongst a couple. Lastly, find other couples that you respect and admire and inquire of them how they handle their finances and any suggestions they may have.
I'm very new at this so I am still searching and questioning where to find the best answers. Some sites I currently reviewing to this end include: http://www.discoverfamily.org/money_mess.htm
http://www.good-steward.org/Seminars.html
http://store.crown.org/product_p/mm361.htm
http://www.mint.com/blog/trends/married-separate-accounts-04292011/
I'll let you know how those "financial dates" go. With God's guidance it may increase the romantic ones. ;)
In my brief 2 months and 7 weeks as a married woman, if I were to counsel an engaged couple I would advise them to have a thorough discussion of finances. Talking however is not enough. Whether you use spreadsheets, charts, or simple pencil and paper each person needs to lay out exactly what are their monthly expenses, income, debts, tax returns, FICO Scores and credit reports. If you cannot find a financial workshop, then find a financial advisor or tax preparer with financial knowledge that you can meet with and discuss all financial issues.
Some Questions that I would have liked to have presented to us include, but are not limited to:
- What would be your plans if one of you becomes unemployed or underemployed?
- At what age would you like to retire and what are your plans to reach that goal?
- If neither of you is a home owner, when would you like to buy and what are your plans to prepare to buy property?
- If one or both of you own. What are your plans to buy another home together?
- If you plan to have children do you desire to stay home with your child? Does he? Private or public schools?
- Do you see yourself as a spender or a saver?
- What financial examples did you see in your parents that you'd want to practice or not practice within your marriage?
- Who will be responsible for handling the monthly bills in your marriage?
- Do you plan on having a set monthly spending limit for yourselves? If so what will be that amount?
- What are your attitudes on savings and tithing?
My husband and I chose not to combine our finances prior to marriage. I know some couples may choose to do so, but we decided we'd wait until the ink was dry on our marriage license. ;) One site that may be helpful even before combining your finances is Mint (www.mint.com). It's a FREE financial site from the makers of Quicken and helps you set up balances, set up a debt payment plan, and see how and where money is going from your accounts.
Often couples are advised to maintain their "dating life" with one another so that the romance doesn't disappear. At the same time it would be my advice, and my goal within my marriage, to also set up "financial dates". These dates are just as important as the romantic ones to ensure stability and open communication of our financial health. Things can sneak in a marriage and the devil knows how to take a small problem and make it a huge problem, creating strife, division and mistrust amongst a couple. Lastly, find other couples that you respect and admire and inquire of them how they handle their finances and any suggestions they may have.
I'm very new at this so I am still searching and questioning where to find the best answers. Some sites I currently reviewing to this end include: http://www.discoverfamily.org/money_mess.htm
http://www.good-steward.org/Seminars.html
http://store.crown.org/product_p/mm361.htm
http://www.mint.com/blog/trends/married-separate-accounts-04292011/
I'll let you know how those "financial dates" go. With God's guidance it may increase the romantic ones. ;)
Monday, July 25, 2011
Steps To Being A Better Wife/Husband:
1) Take care of yourself
2) Say thank you, often
3) Keep the romance alive
4) Let him have "guy time"
5) Make your husband a priority
6) Don't try to change him
7) Don’t make him guess—tell him what you want
8) Cultivate friends and interests outside your marriage
9) Let free time be free
10) Believe in your husband, & let him know it
2) Say thank you, often
3) Keep the romance alive
4) Let him have "guy time"
5) Make your husband a priority
6) Don't try to change him
7) Don’t make him guess—tell him what you want
8) Cultivate friends and interests outside your marriage
9) Let free time be free
10) Believe in your husband, & let him know it
By Sharon O'Brien, Lifestyle.MSN
Saturday, July 23, 2011
The Adjustment Bureau
Nearly 15 years ago my cousin Kecia married her husband Kenny. When we called her post-honeymoon to see how she was doing in her new role, her response was, "It's an adjustment". I now know what she meant by that statement.
I love being married to Michael, the love and support that he gives to me, our shared laughs and plans for the future and our growing and developing faith as a couple in Christ. Yet even with these shared joys we have to adjust in our new roles to one another to make this marriage a success.
We came into our marriage grown and mature adults, already owners of property and all the bills that go along with being a grown up. As such we were very set in our routine. My after work routine was to come home and walk the dog, veg out with a little HGTV, maybe go to an exercise class and decide later if I wanted to cook dinner. His routine was come home make a meal of sloppy joes, and play video games and/or watch one of his 50,000 DVDs. Even now married it is easy to slip back into those familiar roles because you've done them for so long. I recognize that marriage, whether it's been 30 days or 30 years still entails much work. Efforts must be made to continue those lines of communication, to just sit with one another, to make the time to be together so you can always remember why you entered into this Holy union. And it involves much prayer for yourself and for your spouse, that you may be the help meet to him that God intended and he may lead the home in the direction that God intends.
In our shared times together we have learned to enjoy, or should I say tolerate, some things that the other had no interest in previously. Michael will sit and watch the occasional House Hunters shows with me, and I will watch his SciFi movies. I'm excited for some upcoming plays this Fall that I would love for Michael to escort me to and he has his motorcycle races, of which I will have to attend at least one or two.
Our taste in movies is vastly different as well. While he is looking forward to Cowboys v. Aliens and some new Planet of the Monkeys. .. . . . Apes, whatever, movie. I'm excitedly awaiting the premiere of the movie The Help. One evening I watched the movie, The Adjustment Bureau, with him. I won't go into great detail about the film but focus upon the theme of adjustment. In the movie "forces" keep changing things around a determined couple to prevent them from being together. With every situation they encounter to be together an adjustment has to be made.
That is similar to marriage. I may be set and determined in my goal, but now that I am joined to Michael I have to make adjustments in some areas of my daily and long term life as does he. Our professional and personal goals must now involve one another.
Our adjustments began before our wedding and will continue throughout our marriage, I am certain. One of the first adjustments Michael made prior to our wedding was his switch from whole milk to lowfat 2% milk, I likely will never get him to Fat Free. Mine was the consolidation of my closets into ONE main closet, a very traumatic experience indeed Along with these physical tasks were there mental ones. I had to change my mindset of MY house to OUR house. He had to change his mindset of "dogs are supposed to stay outside" to the reality that my Shih Tzu lives and will always live inside. Even the dog is making adjustments, albeit slowly. Our other adjustment is tempearture. Michael's body temperature must be 95 degrees everyday. Although he came from the deserts of Central California he is always hot regardless of the temperature inside. So while he sits and sweats in the living room with the AC on blast, I shiver next to him wrapped in a blanket with a cup of hot tea. This is one adjustment we make for us to cohabitate together. ;)
When I was single I had the foolish delusion that my life would not have to change much as a married woman. I assumed my husband would enter my life and be as interested in my interests as I were in his; well reality has set in! So I will continue to watch the occasional conspiracy theory scifi drama and he will watch couples searching for a new house with me, and all in all I think we will settle in with the changes in our new shared lives, albeit with a few adjustments here and there.
I love being married to Michael, the love and support that he gives to me, our shared laughs and plans for the future and our growing and developing faith as a couple in Christ. Yet even with these shared joys we have to adjust in our new roles to one another to make this marriage a success.
We came into our marriage grown and mature adults, already owners of property and all the bills that go along with being a grown up. As such we were very set in our routine. My after work routine was to come home and walk the dog, veg out with a little HGTV, maybe go to an exercise class and decide later if I wanted to cook dinner. His routine was come home make a meal of sloppy joes, and play video games and/or watch one of his 50,000 DVDs. Even now married it is easy to slip back into those familiar roles because you've done them for so long. I recognize that marriage, whether it's been 30 days or 30 years still entails much work. Efforts must be made to continue those lines of communication, to just sit with one another, to make the time to be together so you can always remember why you entered into this Holy union. And it involves much prayer for yourself and for your spouse, that you may be the help meet to him that God intended and he may lead the home in the direction that God intends.
In our shared times together we have learned to enjoy, or should I say tolerate, some things that the other had no interest in previously. Michael will sit and watch the occasional House Hunters shows with me, and I will watch his SciFi movies. I'm excited for some upcoming plays this Fall that I would love for Michael to escort me to and he has his motorcycle races, of which I will have to attend at least one or two.
Our taste in movies is vastly different as well. While he is looking forward to Cowboys v. Aliens and some new Planet of the Monkeys. .. . . . Apes, whatever, movie. I'm excitedly awaiting the premiere of the movie The Help. One evening I watched the movie, The Adjustment Bureau, with him. I won't go into great detail about the film but focus upon the theme of adjustment. In the movie "forces" keep changing things around a determined couple to prevent them from being together. With every situation they encounter to be together an adjustment has to be made.
That is similar to marriage. I may be set and determined in my goal, but now that I am joined to Michael I have to make adjustments in some areas of my daily and long term life as does he. Our professional and personal goals must now involve one another.
Our adjustments began before our wedding and will continue throughout our marriage, I am certain. One of the first adjustments Michael made prior to our wedding was his switch from whole milk to lowfat 2% milk, I likely will never get him to Fat Free. Mine was the consolidation of my closets into ONE main closet, a very traumatic experience indeed Along with these physical tasks were there mental ones. I had to change my mindset of MY house to OUR house. He had to change his mindset of "dogs are supposed to stay outside" to the reality that my Shih Tzu lives and will always live inside. Even the dog is making adjustments, albeit slowly. Our other adjustment is tempearture. Michael's body temperature must be 95 degrees everyday. Although he came from the deserts of Central California he is always hot regardless of the temperature inside. So while he sits and sweats in the living room with the AC on blast, I shiver next to him wrapped in a blanket with a cup of hot tea. This is one adjustment we make for us to cohabitate together. ;)
When I was single I had the foolish delusion that my life would not have to change much as a married woman. I assumed my husband would enter my life and be as interested in my interests as I were in his; well reality has set in! So I will continue to watch the occasional conspiracy theory scifi drama and he will watch couples searching for a new house with me, and all in all I think we will settle in with the changes in our new shared lives, albeit with a few adjustments here and there.
Wednesday, July 6, 2011
The Kayaking Conundrum
On June 10, 2011 I married the man I am to share the rest of my life with. On June 20, 2011 while kayaking in the dark of the bioluminescent bay of Farajdo, Puerto Rico I thought that end might come sooner than later.
My new husband and I planned our Puerto Honeymoon (orginally to be destination wedding AND honeymoon, but I'll save that for another blog) with lots of desired excursions and activities. One such excursion was to kayak one of the three bioluminescent bays in Puerto Rico to see the glowing microorganisms there.
We prepared for this excursion by clothing ourselves in long pants and bug repellant to avoid mosquito bites, a waterproof flashlight and my husband's Boy Scout Headband light strapped across his forehead.
Our Kayaking group included many other couples: some dating, some newlyweds and some longer married couples. As we entered into our kayak my new husband proceeded to instruct me on how to row. After a few practices, I was still very much uncertain of what was going to happen as we ventured off into the darkness of the channel. We set out with the group to enter the channel and it felt as if I struggled just to get the small kayak moving. When I looked behind me to my husband I saw that he was fixing the camera settings to take pictures! His priority: Capturing the moment. My priority: To not get lost!
After "nicely" telling my husand I needed his assitance so we can move forward and NOT GET LOST we were towards the middle of the group. Most couples were trying to figure out how to get in sync with one another to move their kayaks forward, however there was one couple where the woman chose to just curse at every stroke and paddle rather than work to go forward with her mate, and another couple where the man just worked and worked to move that kayak further while the woman lied in the kayak afraid of her shadow and every Coqui chirping in the distance.
After moving through the dark channel of the bay with trees enclosing around us we finally reached the opening of the bay and experienced another of God's miraculous wonders here on earth. Fish appearing as lighting rods as they moved about the water, the water lighting up with the agitation of hands in the water and stars beyond stars in the wonderous sky! How glorious it was to behold.
After this grand experience we were set to move back through the now even darker channel to the shore. My fears were great as it was difficult to see where exactly we were going. My husband told me to "trust him" that we would get through the channel fine. While I was willing to trust him there were things that I saw up ahead that he did not see sitting behind me. This was evident when I had to duck all the way back to avoid a tree from smacking me in the head as our kayak reared to the right of the channel. At other times in this ride back through the channel my husband tried to test, without my knowledge, how well I could row the kayak on my own, so he STOPPED rowing. Well as much as he wanted me to learn kayaking, trying to teach me in a dark channel with on glow in the dark bracelets on the kayak ahead of us to guide us back to shore was not the time I wanted to learn.
We safely made it back to shore and I noticed the woman who let her husband row the entire time was a little worse for wear after being "grabbed" by a tree branch along the way and the cursing woman continued her cursing. Save for my anxiety of being hit by a tree it was a great experience and a true lesson in partnership, trust and communication.
While one partner may feel everything is going fine (my husband), another may see things up ahead (a tree) that the other doesn't. It is especially at these times that both partners need to keep their eyes open to what is around or upcoming and the other has to have ears to truly HEAR what their partner is saying.
With some couples one partner may be doing all the work to move that relationship forward and the other partner may be unwilling or unmotivated to assist. This unwillingness or motivation could be the result of fear, disinterest, hurt, etc. Couples need to examine that and see what steps can be taken so both partners will be moving forward TOGETHER.
Other couples may have one partner who rather fuss and complain (the curser) than be quiet and attentive to what the plan and goal is. Again communication is key and more listening and less talking is needed for that to be successful.
Kayaking with a partner/spouse is similar to moving forward in a relationship. There may be times when you will not be able to see what dangers lie ahead and there may be other times where darkness may blind your vision to the future, however if you both work on moving forward TOGETHER with each person pulling their own (oar) in sync with yours with God as your lead, you two will experience something miraculous together and will be safely arrive to your final destination together.
My new husband and I planned our Puerto Honeymoon (orginally to be destination wedding AND honeymoon, but I'll save that for another blog) with lots of desired excursions and activities. One such excursion was to kayak one of the three bioluminescent bays in Puerto Rico to see the glowing microorganisms there.
We prepared for this excursion by clothing ourselves in long pants and bug repellant to avoid mosquito bites, a waterproof flashlight and my husband's Boy Scout Headband light strapped across his forehead.
Our Kayaking group included many other couples: some dating, some newlyweds and some longer married couples. As we entered into our kayak my new husband proceeded to instruct me on how to row. After a few practices, I was still very much uncertain of what was going to happen as we ventured off into the darkness of the channel. We set out with the group to enter the channel and it felt as if I struggled just to get the small kayak moving. When I looked behind me to my husband I saw that he was fixing the camera settings to take pictures! His priority: Capturing the moment. My priority: To not get lost!
After "nicely" telling my husand I needed his assitance so we can move forward and NOT GET LOST we were towards the middle of the group. Most couples were trying to figure out how to get in sync with one another to move their kayaks forward, however there was one couple where the woman chose to just curse at every stroke and paddle rather than work to go forward with her mate, and another couple where the man just worked and worked to move that kayak further while the woman lied in the kayak afraid of her shadow and every Coqui chirping in the distance.
After moving through the dark channel of the bay with trees enclosing around us we finally reached the opening of the bay and experienced another of God's miraculous wonders here on earth. Fish appearing as lighting rods as they moved about the water, the water lighting up with the agitation of hands in the water and stars beyond stars in the wonderous sky! How glorious it was to behold.
After this grand experience we were set to move back through the now even darker channel to the shore. My fears were great as it was difficult to see where exactly we were going. My husband told me to "trust him" that we would get through the channel fine. While I was willing to trust him there were things that I saw up ahead that he did not see sitting behind me. This was evident when I had to duck all the way back to avoid a tree from smacking me in the head as our kayak reared to the right of the channel. At other times in this ride back through the channel my husband tried to test, without my knowledge, how well I could row the kayak on my own, so he STOPPED rowing. Well as much as he wanted me to learn kayaking, trying to teach me in a dark channel with on glow in the dark bracelets on the kayak ahead of us to guide us back to shore was not the time I wanted to learn.
We safely made it back to shore and I noticed the woman who let her husband row the entire time was a little worse for wear after being "grabbed" by a tree branch along the way and the cursing woman continued her cursing. Save for my anxiety of being hit by a tree it was a great experience and a true lesson in partnership, trust and communication.
While one partner may feel everything is going fine (my husband), another may see things up ahead (a tree) that the other doesn't. It is especially at these times that both partners need to keep their eyes open to what is around or upcoming and the other has to have ears to truly HEAR what their partner is saying.
With some couples one partner may be doing all the work to move that relationship forward and the other partner may be unwilling or unmotivated to assist. This unwillingness or motivation could be the result of fear, disinterest, hurt, etc. Couples need to examine that and see what steps can be taken so both partners will be moving forward TOGETHER.
Other couples may have one partner who rather fuss and complain (the curser) than be quiet and attentive to what the plan and goal is. Again communication is key and more listening and less talking is needed for that to be successful.
Kayaking with a partner/spouse is similar to moving forward in a relationship. There may be times when you will not be able to see what dangers lie ahead and there may be other times where darkness may blind your vision to the future, however if you both work on moving forward TOGETHER with each person pulling their own (oar) in sync with yours with God as your lead, you two will experience something miraculous together and will be safely arrive to your final destination together.
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