Steps To Being A Better Wife/Husband:

Now I'm not sure why they have 8 steps and we have 10, but they are good reminders nevertheless. ;)

10 Steps to Being a Better Wife:

1) Take care of yourself
2) Say thank you, often
3) Keep the romance alive
4) Let him have "guy time"
5) Make your husband a priority
6) Don't try to change him
7) Don’t make him guess—tell him what you want
8) Cultivate friends and interests outside your marriage
9) Let free time be free
10) Believe in your husband, & let him know it

By Sharon O'Brien, Lifestyle.MSN

‎8 Steps To Being A Better Husband:
1) Learn to listen, but not just to her words
2) Never hit, swear at or yell at your wife
3) Don’t lose your sense of individuality
4) Show Leadership
6) Love her, but not just with words
7) Don’t beg for sex, create the moment
8) Always respect your wife

~thedailymind.com~

The Adjustment Bureau

Nearly 15 years ago my cousin Kecia married her husband Kenny. When we called her post-honeymoon to see how she was doing in her new role, her response was, "It's an adjustment". I now know what she meant by that statement.

I love being married to Michael, the love and support that he gives to me, our shared laughs and plans for the future and our growing and developing faith as a couple in Christ. Yet even with these shared joys we have to adjust in our new roles to one another to make this marriage a success.

We came into our marriage grown and mature adults, already owners of property and all the bills that go along with being a grown up. As such we were very set in our routine. My after work routine was to come home and walk the dog, veg out with a little HGTV, maybe go to an exercise class and decide later if I wanted to cook dinner. His routine was come home make a meal of sloppy joes, and play video games and/or watch one of his 50,000 DVDs. Even now married it is easy to slip back into those familiar roles because you've done them for so long. I recognize that marriage, whether it's been 30 days or 30 years still entails much work. Efforts must be made to continue those lines of communication, to just sit with one another, to make the time to be together so you can always remember why you entered into this Holy union. And it involves much prayer for yourself and for your spouse, that you may be the help meet to him that God intended and he may lead the home in the direction that God intends.

In our shared times together we have learned to enjoy, or should I say tolerate, some things that the other had no interest in previously. Michael will sit and watch the occasional House Hunters shows with me, and I will watch his SciFi movies. I'm excited for some upcoming plays this Fall that I would love for Michael to escort me to and he has his motorcycle races, of which I will have to attend at least one or two.

Our taste in movies is  vastly different as well. While he is looking forward to Cowboys v. Aliens and some new Planet of the Monkeys. .. . . . Apes, whatever, movie. I'm excitedly awaiting the premiere of the movie The Help. One evening I watched the movie, The Adjustment Bureau, with him. I won't go into great detail about the film but focus upon the theme of adjustment. In the movie "forces" keep changing things around a determined couple to prevent them from being together. With every situation they encounter to be together an adjustment has to be made.

That is similar to marriage. I may be set and determined in my goal, but now that I am joined to Michael I have to make adjustments in some areas of my daily and long term life as does he. Our professional and personal goals must now involve one another.

Our adjustments began before our wedding and will continue throughout our marriage, I am certain. One of the first adjustments Michael made prior to our wedding was his switch from whole milk to lowfat 2% milk, I likely will never get him to Fat Free. Mine was the consolidation of my closets into ONE main closet, a very traumatic experience indeed Along with these physical tasks were there mental ones. I had to change my mindset of MY house to OUR house. He had to change his mindset of "dogs are supposed to stay outside" to the reality that my Shih Tzu lives and will always live inside. Even the dog is making adjustments, albeit slowly. Our other adjustment is tempearture. Michael's body temperature must be 95 degrees everyday. Although he came from the deserts of Central California he is always hot regardless of the temperature inside. So while he sits and sweats in the living room with the AC on blast, I shiver next to him wrapped in a blanket with a cup of hot tea. This is one adjustment we make for us to cohabitate together. ;)

When I was single I had the foolish delusion that my life would not have to change much as a married woman. I assumed my husband would enter my life and be as interested in my interests as I were in his; well reality has set in! So I will continue to watch the occasional conspiracy theory scifi drama and he will watch couples searching for a new house with me, and all in all I think we will settle in with the changes in our new shared lives, albeit with a few adjustments here and there.

The Kayaking Conundrum

On June 10, 2011 I married the man I am to share the rest of my life with. On June 20, 2011 while kayaking in the dark of the bioluminescent bay of Farajdo, Puerto Rico I thought that end might come sooner than later.

My new husband and I planned our Puerto Honeymoon (orginally to be destination wedding AND honeymoon, but I'll save that for another blog) with lots of desired excursions and activities. One such excursion was to kayak one of the three bioluminescent bays in Puerto Rico to see the glowing microorganisms there.

We prepared for this excursion by clothing ourselves in long pants and bug repellant to avoid mosquito bites, a waterproof flashlight and my husband's Boy Scout Headband light strapped across his forehead.

Our Kayaking group included many other couples: some dating, some newlyweds and some longer married couples. As we entered into our kayak my new husband proceeded to instruct me on how to row. After a few practices, I was still very much uncertain of what was going to happen as we ventured off into the darkness of the channel. We set out with the group to enter the channel and it felt as if I struggled just to get the small kayak moving. When I looked behind me to my husband I saw that he was fixing the camera settings to take pictures! His priority: Capturing the moment. My priority: To not get lost!

After "nicely" telling my husand I needed his assitance so we can move forward and NOT GET LOST we were towards the middle of the group. Most couples were trying to figure out how to get in sync with one another to move their kayaks forward, however there was one couple where the woman chose to just curse at every stroke and paddle rather than work to go forward with her mate, and another couple where the man just worked and worked to move that kayak further while the woman lied in the kayak afraid of her shadow and every Coqui chirping in the distance.

After moving through the dark channel of the bay with trees enclosing around us we finally reached the opening of the bay and experienced another of God's miraculous wonders here on earth. Fish appearing as lighting rods as they moved about the water, the water lighting up with the agitation of hands in the water and stars beyond stars in the wonderous sky! How glorious it was to behold.

After this grand experience we were set to move back through the now even darker channel to the shore. My fears were great as it was difficult to see where exactly we were going. My husband told me to "trust him" that we would get through the channel fine. While I was willing to trust him there were things that I saw up ahead that he did not see sitting behind me. This was evident when I had to duck all the way back to avoid a tree from smacking me in the head as our kayak reared to the right of the channel. At other times in this ride back through the channel my husband tried to test, without my knowledge, how well I could row the kayak on my own, so he STOPPED rowing. Well as much as he wanted me to learn kayaking, trying to teach me in a dark channel with on glow in the dark bracelets on the kayak ahead of us to guide us back to shore was not the time I wanted to learn.

We safely made it back to shore and I noticed the woman who let her husband row the entire time was a little worse for wear after being "grabbed" by a tree branch along the way and the cursing woman continued her cursing. Save for my anxiety of being hit by a tree it was a great experience and a true lesson in partnership, trust and communication.

While one partner may feel everything is going fine (my husband), another may see things up ahead (a tree) that the other doesn't. It is especially at these times that both partners need to keep their eyes open to what is around or upcoming and the other has to have ears to truly HEAR what their partner is saying.

With some couples one partner may be doing all the work to move that relationship forward and the other partner may be unwilling or unmotivated to assist. This unwillingness or motivation could be the result of fear, disinterest, hurt, etc. Couples need to examine that and see what steps can be taken so both partners will be moving forward TOGETHER.

Other couples may have one partner who rather fuss and complain (the curser) than be quiet and attentive to what the plan and goal is. Again communication is key and more listening and less talking is needed for that to be successful.

Kayaking with a partner/spouse is similar to moving forward in a relationship. There may be times when you will not be able to see what dangers lie ahead and there may be other times where darkness may blind your vision to the future, however if you both work on moving forward TOGETHER with each person pulling their own (oar) in sync with yours with God as your lead, you two will experience something miraculous together and will be safely arrive to your final destination together.